Healing Attachment Wounds: Building A Secure Attachment Style with Christian Informed Counseling
Building Secure Attachment Takes Self Work Led by the Holy Spirit
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
Many people who struggle with anxious attachment, self-doubt, or a harsh inner critic have been shaped by experiences where love felt conditional. Maybe you learned from a young age that you had to be “good enough” to be loved—by parents, friends, or even God. If love was inconsistent, withdrawn, or only given when you performed a certain way, your nervous system likely adapted to expect abandonment or rejection.
But here’s the truth: God’s love is not based on performance.
Healing from attachment wounds isn’t just about rewiring how we connect with others—it’s about reshaping how we see ourselves in the eyes of God. When we integrate faith into our healing journey, we move from striving for approval to resting in divine love. Instead of fearing rejection, we learn to stand securely in God’s promises.
Battling the inner critic with God’s secure love
In Philippians 2:4, Paul reminds us: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Healthy relationships—whether with God, ourselves, or others—are built on mutual care, respect, and trust. But when we’ve experienced trauma, we may struggle with feeling unworthy of that kind of love.
Jesus modeled a secure attachment style in every interaction. He didn’t push people away when they failed. He didn’t require perfection before offering love. Instead, He reached out to the broken, the fearful, and the outcast. His love is the foundation for true healing.
If you find yourself anxiously clinging to toxic relationships or feeling unworthy of love, ask yourself: Am I seeing myself through God’s eyes or through the wounds of my past? Healing starts when we let go of the false stories we’ve believed about our worth and embrace the truth of who we are in Christ.
Why Faith is Essential in Healing Attachment Wounds
1. Faith Grounds Us in Consistent and Secure Love
Worldly relationships can be unpredictable. People leave, disappoint, or hurt us. But God’s love is a steady foundation. Romans 8:38-39 assures us that nothing can separate us from His love—not our mistakes, fears, or past traumas. When we root our self-worth in His truth, we become less dependent on human validation.
2. Faith Helps Us Rewire the Inner Critic
Trauma often creates a harsh inner voice that says, “You’re not enough. No one will stay.” This voice keeps us stuck in insecurity and unhealthy attachment patterns.
But scripture offers a different narrative. Isaiah 43:1 declares: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” By replacing self-criticism with biblical truth, we begin to heal the wounds that fuel insecurity.
3. Faith Teaches Us Secure Love
God doesn’t love us based on our achievements or perfection. He loves us because He is love. When we internalize this truth, we stop striving for approval and start experiencing true peace in our relationships. Learning to receive love from God allows us to form healthier, more secure relationships with others.
3 Tools to Heal Attachment Wounds Through Faith
1️⃣ The Self-Compassion Pause 🛑
When self-criticism or insecurity arises, take a deep breath and ask: How would Jesus respond to me right now? Imagine Him standing with you, full of grace, speaking words of love over you. Reflect on Matthew 11:28-30—His yoke is easy, His burden is light.
2️⃣ Rewriting the Inner Script with Truth 📖
Instead of saying, “I always mess up; no one will stay,” replace it with scripture: “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid” (Hebrews 13:6). Write down lies you’ve believed about yourself and counter them with biblical affirmations.
3️⃣ The Secure Attachment Prayer 🙏🏽
When you feel anxious or afraid in relationships, pray:
“Father, remind me that I am held in Your hands. I don’t have to perform for love. I don’t have to cling to people out of fear. You are my steady foundation. Help me to love from a place of security, not desperation. Amen.”
Take another step toward healing attachment wounds with Christian Informed Counseling
Healing attachment wounds is a journey—one that takes time, self-compassion, and faith. If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts, takeaways, or your story of healing.
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You are fully loved—right now, as you are. And nothing can change that.
With grace,
Whitney
