Boundaries that Every Codependent Teen and Adult Female Should Set
Imagine this scenario...
I’ve finally had my breaking point and realized the toxic nature of my narcissistic relationship. I begin counseling only to learn that I have no idea who I am or what I want out of life.
I have given every ounce of my personhood to my partner or friend and sacrificed my authentic self-identity in the process. How do I heal the brokenness left behind from a destructive relationship and rebuild my values and self-esteem?
Boundaries are crucial in breaking the cycle of codependency. Boundaries are a way in which your voice is heard and your needs are met. Boundaries give you power and safety in relationships and foster your self-esteem. When both parties in a relationship communicate what they need and expect, fear, guilt, and anxiety are minimal.
On the other hand, when one person is codependent, they please their partner out of fear that they will loose the relationship. Codependency looks like anxiety, boundary pushing, people pleasing, sacrificing needs, and over committing. Codependent women often sacrifice their own personal values and goals in order to meet the needs of others. This does not only apply to romantic relationships. Codependency can transfer over into professional settings and even onto children.
Boundaries that every teen and adult female needs to set:
1. Emotional Boundaries
Define Your Emotions: Recognize that your feelings are your own and it is not your responsibility to protect the emotions of others.
Express Your Needs: Clearly communicate your emotional needs and desires without fear of rejection or guilt.
Avoid Emotional Absorption: Resist the urge to take on others’ emotional states or problems as your own.
2. Physical Boundaries
Personal Space: Respect and assert your need for personal space and time alone.
Physical Contact: Define what level of physical contact is comfortable for you and communicate it clearly.
3. Time Boundaries
Allocate Your Time: Prioritize your time according to your needs and commitments, rather than constantly accommodating others.
Limit Availability: Set limits on how much time you spend helping or supporting others, ensuring you have time for self-care and personal activities.
4. Intellectual Boundaries
Respect Differences: Acknowledge and respect differing opinions, beliefs, and values without feeling compelled to conform.
Own Your Thoughts: Maintain your own perspectives and refrain from letting others dictate what you should think or believe.
5. Material Boundaries
Financial Independence: Manage your own finances and avoid entangling them with others unnecessarily.
Personal Belongings: Set clear limits on lending personal items or money, and communicate these boundaries firmly.
6. Social Boundaries
Control Social Interactions: Decide who you want to spend time with and how often, without feeling obligated to attend every social event or meet everyone’s expectations.
Limit Gossip: Avoid engaging in or tolerating gossip and maintain confidentiality in your relationships.
7. Relational Boundaries
Assertive Communication: Practice assertive communication, stating your needs and feelings directly and respectfully.
Healthy Dependence: Encourage mutual support and independence in relationships, rather than one-sided dependency.
8. Behavioral Boundaries
Avoid Enabling: Stop enabling harmful behaviors by refusing to cover up, excuse, or take responsibility for someone else’s actions.
Respect Autonomy: Allow others to face the consequences of their actions and learn from their mistakes.
9. Psychological Boundaries
Self-Awareness: Be aware of your own psychological limits and avoid pushing yourself beyond them to please others.
Inner Strength: Cultivate inner strength and self-esteem, recognizing your worth independent of others’ validation.
Boundaries should be assessed often in relationships. Ask yourself how you feel when you are around this person? Does this person consider my needs and am I able to express my goals and dreams without dispute? Does this relationship encourage my individuality or am being forced to conform? Am I growing intellectually and spiritually?
Scripture is full of God-given boundaries that are intentionally designed to keep us safe in order to lead a life of peace. Setting boundaries should be fulfilling and make room for healthy fruit to flourish.
If you feel that you are stuck in a cycle of codependency please seek help.
God created you to be unique and have needs and personal values.
He created you to speak for Him and for yourself, not others. I pray that by setting a new pattern of healthy boundaries will help you find your voice and build your new identity as a wonderful creation destined for good work.
As always, I am here for you and hope to be helpful in your healing. Reach out anytime! Be well and blessed, Whitney
