When survival mode stole my self-identity, I found it in self-compassion and faith.
I’ve been speaking a lot lately about the difficult process of untangling oneself from years of trauma, anxiety, and fight or flight. This untangling includes forming a self-identity that had been suppressed under the chaos of survival mode.
Recently, I’ve had several conversations with women and men who have come to realized that they do not even know themselves. They feel that years of struggling with hurt has left them dysregulated and a shell of who they once were. I completely understand. When I personally walked through complex grief and medical trauma, I dissociated from the person I once was. I coped by avoiding and controlling life around me without actually getting in touch with my own needs. I just forgot about the women inside of me because I was scared what she might have said.
So how do we get our lives back?
Research supports that practicing self-compassion, faith, and building community can fortify a victim’s self worth and personal identity (Neff & Germer, 2022). But I’ll say, Rome wasn’t built in a day, be gentle and kind to yourself. Small wins and consistency are key to slowly returning to yourself.
I have a few steps that we walk through in my therapy sessions that have been helpful for clients.
Cultivate Self-Compassion
Practice Self-Kindness
Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that you are worthy and deserving of love and respect.
Gentle Encouragement: Encourage yourself gently, as you would encourage a friend. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, no matter how small.
Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, such as taking a relaxing bath, reading a book, or spending time in nature.
Recognize Common Humanity
Shared Experiences: Understand that suffering and mistakes are part of the human experience. You are not alone in your struggles.
Empathy for Others: Develop empathy for others, recognizing that everyone has their own challenges and pain.
Mindfulness
Present Moment Awareness: Practice mindfulness to stay present and aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Emotional Acceptance: Acknowledge your emotions as they arise, allowing yourself to feel them without suppression or avoidance.
Build Community Support
Join Support Groups
Trauma Support Groups: Look for local or online support groups for trauma survivors. Sharing experiences with others who understand can be incredibly healing.
Interest-Based Groups: Join groups or clubs that focus on activities you enjoy, such as book clubs, sports teams, or hobby classes.
Seek Professional Help
Therapists and Counselors: Work with a therapist who specializes in trauma and self-worth issues. They can provide guidance, support, and effective coping strategies.
Workshops and Retreats: Attend workshops or retreats focused on healing, self-compassion, and personal growth.
Cultivate Meaningful Relationships
Quality Over Quantity: Focus on building a few deep, meaningful relationships rather than many superficial ones.
Mutual Support: Engage in relationships where support and care are mutual. Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you.
Volunteer and Give Back
Community Service: Volunteer for causes that are important to you. Helping others can boost your self-worth and provide a sense of purpose.
Connect with a Personal Faith
Find Meaningfulness
Connecting to a higher power: gives relief from feeling alone and opens space to serve a higher good for the betterment of others
Positive Coping Measures
Religious activities : Prayer, meditation, communion, and worship, can provide coping skills that relieve momentary distress and fortify emotion management.
Taking these steps in order to understand one’s feelings and needs will move them closer to feeling whole. For the best success, I suggest being open in your experiences and communication in order to foster deeper connections with others. I also suggest finding self-expression through a creative outlet such as journaling or art therapy.
Lastly, I pray you learn to allow God into your healing process. He has walked along with you and no longer wants you to suffer. By accepting Him into your heart, he can carry your burdens and provide a peace that is all encompassing. He will continually work to transform your suffering into healing.
Please click on the link below if your want to connect. I would love to hear about your healing journey and offer support and prayers. I am also available for free consultations if you are interested in therapy or coaching.
As always, be well, Whitney
Neff, K., & Germer, C. (2022). The role of self-compassion in psychotherapy. World psychiatry : official journal of the World Psychiatric Association (WPA), 21(1), 58–59. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20925
